When You Miss Your Old Life: Grief and the Early Months of Motherhood
You love your baby — and still, sometimes you miss your old life.
The long showers. The quiet mornings. The parts of yourself that weren’t always “on call.”
And maybe you feel guilty for even thinking that way.
Here’s the truth: missing your old life doesn’t mean you don’t love your new one. It means you’re human, adjusting to enormous change. All change is hard, even when it’s positive.
Motherhood comes with both joy and loss.
You’ve lost spontaneity, privacy, rest, and freedom. You’ve lost pieces of identity that used to anchor you — your work, your routines, your friendships. Even your relationship may feel different.
This is grief. Not the kind that means something’s gone wrong, but the kind that comes with transition.
You’re grieving who you were before — and that’s okay.
Grief in motherhood can sound like:
“I miss who I was before I had to be everything to everyone.”
“I love my baby, but I miss my autonomy.”
“I wish I had known how much I’d change.”
Naming this grief doesn’t make you ungrateful — it makes you honest.
When we suppress grief, it turns into guilt. When we acknowledge it, we make room for healing.
Try this practice:
Name what you miss. “I miss my quiet mornings.” “I miss having control over my time.”
Honor what you’ve gained. “I’m learning to be present.” “I’m finding new strengths.”
Allow both to coexist. You can hold love and loss at the same time.
You are not failing at motherhood because you long for your old life.
You’re simply integrating who you were with who you’re becoming.
